Quick blog on my family. And why I fear for us.

I’ve had a lovely weekend, I hope you all have too. Been out for a couple of meals, and spent it with my family, who I love dearly, but who are a bit, well, in need.

I may have said before, I have three kids now, one went 19 last week, one is 3, and a brand spanker at only a month. I was very young when I had the eldest, 6 I think. Anyway, it’s not the norm granted, and as fucking knackered as I feel, I do feel very blessed to have three wonderful daughters.

I asked my eldest daughter what she would like to do for her birthday and she suggested a meal at a local Italian we love. So I asked my two sisters and their families, and my mum. The meal was lovely, but this isn’t an episode of Masterchef, it is me taking the piss out of my family, so I’ll cut to the chase. We all went back to our house for a bit of birthday cake and a brew. We had the television on in the background, and this advert came on:

Bloody brilliant advert it is, and one that my mum told me to look out for. She told me about the ad one day, and I said I hadn’t seen it, and despite her describing it to me in detail, and me saying I hadn’t seen it a good half dozen times, she didn’t believe me. Then when I saw it, she proceeded to tell me every time it was on by text, as I obviously have fuck all else to do. Anyway, it came on, and she said “Oh that advert is on!”. We all watched and enjoyed, then she said something which bemused me “They even show it on ITV now”. “What?” I said. “Well they show it on ITV now it’s that good”. “What do you mean?” I once again probed. “What do I mean? They show it on ITV. People must have realised it was that good. They only showed it on Challenge and ITV2 before”.

To say I was surprised. “Mum, they don’t put the good ads on ITV, they show them on all the channels”

“No they don’t”

“Yes they do, they put them on all channels, you’ve just only seen them on ITV and Challenge”

“Howard, I have never seen it on ITV until just now”

“That’s luck!”

“No it isn’t!”

It continued. I couldn’t win, so I stopped arguing. She honestly thought they put good ads on ITV and shit ones on less popular channels. She’s only had Freeview a few years, so I suppose she can be excused her ignorance. Or stupidity, as I would call it, and leave her to enjoy the trials and tribulations of the “TV advert division 1 promotion push” come April.

So there lies the reason I’m as daft as I am. But a quick insight into how this may have been passed onto my offspring. For years my eldest daughter has loved mashed potato, REALLY loved it, and swears it will go with anything. Particularly soup. Yes, I know. So while we were ordering our food in the restaurant, I had a word with the waitress, and asked for a side order of mashed potato with a candle in it to come out with the main course. She offered to play the “Happy Birthday” music as she did, to which I did a little clap in my brain and said “yes please”.

Upon the mash arriving, my eldest daughter was killing herself laughing, and almost gobbed out the first mouthful of pizza she has just put in her mouth. Much merriment ensued from around the table, and the usual uncomfortable singing from other tables in the restaurant changed to whispers of “is that mashed fucking potato?” when they realised it was indeed mashed fucking potato, and I applauded myself on my stroke of genius.

However, our 3 year old, who had been looking on, and obviously not fully aware of the relevance of the mash and the joke, said with considerable disdain:

“They don’t do very good birthday cakes here do they?”


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