Breastfeeding – Look what we’ve done

Imagine your mother’s breasts.  Imagine sucking on them.  Not sexy is it?

No, of course not, and I’m sorry if you were eating a Walnut Whip, but you probably did it as a baby, to get milk, to give you food, and to give you antibodies that your mother carried, and other sciencey biology cell stuff I’ll wager.  You are a mammal you see, and that is what mammals do, all of them, but for some strange reason, it has become taboo.  You might as well get your arse out and curl one out on the floor such is the level of disgust some people would show to a mother breast feeding.

I don’t know where this has come from, possibly the Victorians, maybe before, but it certainly exists to this day that breastfeeding in public is not acceptable, and I am frankly disgusted.  If you visit a farm and see piglets suckling on their mother, it’s all very cute, and it’s the same for a mother and her baby.  When a mother gets her breast out to feed her baby, there is no Benny Hill music playing, she isn’t wearing a basque and suspenders, SHE IS FEEDING HER BABY, IT’S WHAT MAMMALS DO.  It should never have become sexualized or offensive. If you find it offensive, or sexy, go and look in the mirror, and peering back at you, is a twat.

And now here we are, the apparently most advanced of mammals, finding this wrong, and now have a generation of humans that have to be coaxed into feeding their young with £200.

Proponents say this is to tempt women into trying it, especially those that find it painful.  I’ve seen a woman in pain through it, looked horrendous.  Then try again a few hours later, in agony.  No way would I let someone kick me in the bollocks six times a day for £200 for six months; shove that right up your arse.

But it’s not aimed at them is it? It is aimed at the thick and the stupid, and the staggeringly ignorant.  Look at where they are offering it, I’m not snobby, I live near there, but it’s not being offered in Kensington is it? It’s being offered where the average common gloit lives, the Jeremy Kyle contestants.  Our ignorance and intolerance of breastfeeding has women now not doing it because it isn’t cool, or fashionable, and not talked about, and the women most stupid, AND their stupid partners think it is fine.  So we offer them £200 to try it???  My brain can’t comprehend how backwards this is.

Can you imagine tonight down at Mr & Mrs Bat’s house? “I can’t be arsed breastfeeding tonight, pop down Asda for some Cow & Gate will you?”.  Powdered baby milk is a luxury substitute for humans, for those that are having problems. Mr & Mrs Bat’s little one will die without milk, any other mammal’s would too; breastfeeding for them isn’t an option, it is a matter of life and death, yet our young idiots of today think otherwise, and we’re paying the stupid bastards to TRY what humans and all other mammals have been doing for thousands of years.

If a woman has genuine reason, psychological, physiological, or whatever, for not breastfeeding, then she needs support and help; £200 will make no difference, unless it is in quantitative care, so give them that.  Don’t give it to some buffoon who can’t be arsed, or who thinks they know better, and who might probably lie about having done it and spend it on powdered milk anyway.

Or what about those who fully intend to breastfeed, but know that there is £200 up for grabs? “Do you intend to breastfeed?”. “No”. “Oh go on, it’s good for the baby, and we’ll give you £200”. “Oh go on then”. I’d be tempted.

We’ve done this, as a society, and it needs to stop.  Women should be able to breastfeed whenever, and wherever they like, starting from now, and it should be supported by all.  I don’t mean brazenly, women marching round tooting horns or roller skating like a tampon ad, but so every woman can comfortably and confidently breast feed their baby as she wishes, and as mammals have evolved to do, and as Mrs Bat or Mrs Pig would.  And if anyone has a problem with it, send down a dozen 8 month pregnant hormone filled women to kick the living shit out of them, then send them round to do the same to the spunkwaffle that came up with this ridiculous idea.

Rant over.


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