Text canvassing. PPI? Ambulance chasers. A guide.

Text canvassing. PPI? Ambulance chasers. A guide.

PPI claim and “Have you had an accident” text canvassers. Arseflaps the lot of them.

The whole PPI issue has been a blight on our otherwise wonderful and morally angelic banking system, may God bless them all, I’m sure you’d agree.  However, companies that offer to help you get YOUR money back when all you have to do is ring the bank anyway, are leeches. Dirty filthy leeches.  I’ve even discussed this with them when they have rung me, and in a polite yet matter of fact way told them to tell their bosses they are a disgrace. Goes down well. One agreed, some hung up.

As for ambulance chasers, well, they’re even worse.  A scourge on our society that adds a fortune onto the insurance premiums of the honest, and supports a network of criminals that make money from driving into other cars on purpose. What a bunch of cunts. A grand a year me and the wife pay in car insurance, only for dishonest bastards to say they have a stiff neck. I wake up with a stiff cock some mornings, it doesn’t mean I should get compensation.

So these companies employ the unemployed when the country is in a state of fiscal turmoil to send out text messages canvassing for business.  Leeches.  The companies and those that run them, not the canvassers. I have no problem with someone out of work trying to make a few quid in commission, but the volume of texts I started receiving really became a steaming turd in my cornflakes.

At first I ignored them:


Oh yes, pension canvassers too. Not quite as annoying, but annoying.  Still, the texts came.  So, I decided to take them up on their offer, to get some advice, and get some info, with the intention of hanging up when they called me back.


Sometimes they didn’t call back. This was upsetting.


I asked several times for my details to be deleted when they called or text.


They kept coming. So I tried insulting them.  Not nice granted, but I was becoming really annoyed.


Note they thought I was called Victoria. Odd. I’m not even called Victoria. I told them this.


I tried sarcasm.  Didn’t work.

Screenshot_2013-08-23-08-31-46 Screenshot_2013-08-23-08-31-06

I tried complimenting them.  Didn’t work.


I tried singing to them. Didn’t work.


Then, one day, I changed tack. I felt bad these people were having to resort to text canvassing for a living, so I thought I would entertain them, and myself.


Not the most original, granted, so there was only one thing for it. Make shit up!

And hence, my life was enlightened!


They still come, alas not as often, and sometimes not for weeks, but they still do.  And when they do, my day is genuinely made.

Screenshot_2013-08-23-08-33-20 Screenshot_2013-08-23-08-33-38 Screenshot_2013-08-23-08-33-49 Screenshot_2013-08-23-08-33-59 Screenshot_2013-08-23-08-34-15 Screenshot_2013-08-23-08-35-41 Screenshot_2013-08-23-08-35-48 Screenshot_2013-08-23-08-35-57 Screenshot_2013-08-23-08-36-19

I hope no-one is offended when they get my responses. That’s not why I do it, it is to break the monotony for what must be a pretty crap job.  Even if it is a computerised system, which I probably is, I hope someone reads them and has a smile.  I know I do.

So the next time you get a canvassing text, I hope you think of me, and indulge in a spot of stupidity.  Go on, try it, you’ll enjoy it.  Oh and copy me on twitter #PPINoThanksImWanking


1 thought on “Text canvassing. PPI? Ambulance chasers. A guide.

  1. Pingback: Text Canvassing. Part 2. | Buckethandle

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